Gettin' Comfy

We all know what it's like to "get comfy" in a relationship

And you all probably just rolled our eyes at that saying.

Getting comfy can be good... in some ways, but in more ways than some, it can be very bad. Why? Because it forces the relationship to lose the spark.

Tell me, what happens when a person sits down on the couch, stays there a while, and gets comfy? That person is no longer motivated to do anything. Do you see where I'm going here? Getting comfy can be, well, comforting, but it does nothing for our motivation, and it's exactly the same in relationships.

People can get comfy in their relationships. It's so easy to do. You love him, you know he's going to be around all the time, you start taking some of the little things he does for granted, you get comfy, and pppphhhhhhhh.

That was the spark. Fizzling out.

How do you get that spark back in a long term relationship? 

You start dating again. Sometimes it takes a rough patch. In extreme cases, it takes a break or a break up to realize just how comfy you got, but once you realize it, you've got to do something about it, or things will end for good.  You may not realize right away just how downhill things are going, but once you hit a certain point, BAM! You're snowballing down a cliff and you can't hold on to anything.

Dating

So how do you avoid that? Like I said, start dating again. You don't have to text your boyfriend how much you loved your chipotle burrito bowl. You don't have to text him about how hard your class was today, and you certainly don't have to text him constantly throughout the day.

Texting

Text him the big things, and leave the small, or otherwise funny stories for when you see him. It will save you from texting him every. little. thing. you do during the day, and you'll only be able to tell him the things that stick out in your mind when you do see him. Whether that's at the end of the day, or at the end of the week, however much you want to see each other.

Consider his feelings, and he'll return the favor

Another thing about actually dating your boyfriend, when you were first dating, were you afraid to hurt his feelings? Yes, you were. Because you were so afraid to lose him at that point. When you get the idea in your head that he isn't going anywhere, you stop being afraid to hurt his feelings. You start nitpicking, and nagging.

Be afraid to hurt his feelings. You want him to be nice to you, so be nice to him. Don't be so quick to point out the "You never do this's," and "You never do that's," because they're so arbitrary! If you constantly argue, you're taking him for granted, because you're taking for granted that he'll always be there for you, no matter how much you nag on him.

Well girls, the nagging and fighting pile up, and eventually he's going to get fed up and weighed down.  Who knows what'll happen then? Do yourself a favor, and check yourself before you wreck yourself, or worse, wreck your relationship.

You are you and I am I. And in the end, if we end up together, it's beautiful. 

That's one of my favorite quotes from Boy Meets World.

It's also a great piece of advice for relationships. Don't be afraid to take your own time away from him. Especially if you two don't live together yet. This is extremely hard for girls to grasp, but you don't have to see your man every day. He's going to get fed up with you. If you live together this is different, but trust me, giving yourself some "me" time, can really help you find yourself in your relationship.

Getting lost in your love may sound romantic, but it just isn't. If you get lost in your love, you lose more than yourself, you lose the relationships with your friends and family.

In a relationship, you need more than just each other, you need friends and family. So do yourself a favor, tell your boyfriend that, hey, I'm taking a weekend at home this week, and next week I'm taking a girls weekend. Oh, and I'm visiting my sister this weekend, and trust me, you'll still find time to hang out.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the more time you spend doing your own things, the more you'll look forward to being in his arms again. Plus, you'll be a lot happier because you're spending time with all the people you love, not just one of them.

Keep it Classy, Keep it Country,
Gretta Patrick <3

How do you keep your spark in your relationships? Tell me in the comments below!

What if I had never come to Loyola?

View from my Freshman year dorm

There's a life-changing question there. How would my life be different if I had gone somewhere else for my four-year degree.

Although I miss home terribly now, I probably wouldn't have gone to anywhere closer to home than I am now, because at age 18, I wanted to go as far away from Paris IL as I could.  I did strongly consider Indiana University.


Therefore, for the sake of argument, let's say I went to IU. What would be different about my life?

1. I wouldn't have joined Alpha Chi Omega, or at least, I wouldn't have the same group of sisters as I do now.
2. I would never have gotten into a mess with the Loyola theatre people, which prompted me to change my major
3. I may not have changed my major to journalism. 
4. I wouldn't be living in this nice apartment that I love. 
5. I wouldn't have gotten the job I have a White House Black Market. 
6. I wouldn't hate Chicago as much as I do now. 
7. I'd be able to go home a lot more than I do now. 
8. I'd have completely different friends. 
9. The paddles on my wall would be from different women. 
10. I'd never have found that perfect, red dress from that vintage shop off the Addison stop. 
11. I wouldn't have become Catholic (or at least it is very unlikely that I would have had the same access to the RCIA program)
12. I wouldn't be in a rough patch in my relationship.
13. I would never have met Kyle. 

The bottom line is, my life would be much different. Will I ever know what my life would have been if I had chosen IU over Loyola? No, and that's the thing about life: You never know what it's going to bring.

Take those last two examples, yeah if I were at IU, I probably wouldn't be stressing over my relationship right now. I wouldn't be in this rough patch after having dated the same guy for two years. My life would probably be easier right at this second because I wouldn't have so much on my mind. On the other end of that spectrum though, I would never have even met Kyle. So, the choice I made to come to Loyola has impacted my life at a higher level than just causing me stress.
Sometimes people aren't good at looking back and seeing the bigger picture in that way. We tend to live for the here and now, and if the here and now isn't good, we make rash decisions rather than thinking things out.

Life is a series of choices, and I made the choice to come to Loyola. Do I absolutely love it all the time? Well, no, but I do know a lot more about myself because of it. For example, I know that I would not have liked the world of musical theatre as I thought I would. I also know that I love to write and read teleprompters. I know that I prefer wide open spaces of the country to the confines of a city. At a larger school in the middle of nowhere, I would never have found these things out, because I never would have tried the alternative. I may wonder what life in the city would be like... but now I know. I think we can all agree that knowing is infinitely better than wondering.

Knowledge hides on the outside of one's comfort zone. The funny thing is, I didn't know what my comfort zone was until my Loyola experience. Now I know where I'd be comfortable: Anywhere but a city. I know I want to be closer to family, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Kyle.

Although I know for sure I would be more comfortable at a different school closer to home, that doesn't mean I should be at such a school at the moment. That's life, you have to stick out the rough patches in order to get to the most awesome part of your life.

Keep it Classy, Keep it Country.
Gretta Patrick <3

Long-distance relationship advice

Hey ladies!

Just so you know, I've really been getting into this blog called "The Dating Divas" and since you all know how much I like writing about men, well it's really my cup of tea. But there are two problems with going to their blog.

1. The writers are married, so a lot of this stuff is for people who live together, which Kyle and I don't.
2. A lot of their "Love on the Go" advice (Cutesie little things to do so your man knows your thinking of him) is for people who have access to their men 24/7. Which I don't, seeing as this summer we're long distance.

Now, reading all of their posts, and their date ideas, and their stories, really gets me excited to go back to school, where I'll only be a few blocks away from him and I can just date the s- out of him. But as for now, I'm stuck 200 miles away, and those little things I would normally do, like ask to come over, or make him something sweet, or maybe write him little notes and leave them on his desk or something, just won't work. We have to make it work over texting and calling and skyping. Ugh.

Now, this got me thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there were somewhere to go where there was someone I could relate to? Someone who makes this whole long-distance thing sound like it's worth it? Well, that's what inspired me to write this list.

So here's a list of advice for women in long-distance relationships. I hope this helps.

1. Be like a teenager and text him all the time! Every second you have, just tell him something cute.
2. Don't stop at texting, actually call him. You'll be surprised at just how much it makes you feel better to just hear his voice.
3. If you can't leave him cute little notes in his apartment, then you can leave him cute little notes in creative ways. Post on his facebook, or you can download the whiteboard app and draw on a cute picture of you two, just something like "I'm such a lucky girl to have found my prince charming" or something like that.
4. Skype, Skype, Skype. Although sometimes Skyping makes me sad, because I want to actually see him in person instead of through a computer and it makes me sad that I can't.
5. Never wear out the "I LOVE YOU" texts. They can be very comforting.
6. Make plans to see each other, and not just a "I need to get up there to see you" or "come visit meee!" No, actually make definite plans attached to a date and follow through. These visits may make your life a little tough, but going a month and a half without seeing your love is much tougher emotionally, so working a little overtime and a little late-night planning is worth it.
7. Daydream about time with him. It does wonders for the soul.
8. This may make you sad, but look through pictures of you two together. It'll make you smile.
9. When you feel that gut-wrenching hurt because you miss him so much, don't be afraid to cry. Just let it out. Sometimes we need to do that to make ourselves feel better.
10. Watch a really really sad Nicholas Sparks movie. It'll make your life seem so much easier! Promise!
11. If you're tired of being sad, be busy instead. Sign up for church choir, double your workouts, go into work more often. Do something, anything, to get your mind off of being sad, and counting down days till you see him again.
12. If you have one of his shirts or hoodies, wear it. And often.
13. Get snapchat. Nuff said.
14. Talk to someone about it. A friend, a mentor, a parent, someone! It helps a lot just to have someone offering insight.
15. Don't sit around thinking about how sad you are. You'll drive yourself crazy! Go out and have fun!
16. Make fun plans to do stuff when you're back together again. Like when he comes to see you, plan to go stargazing. Or for the first night back at school plan a movie night in your new apartment. Something to get you thinking about him.
17. Avoid the text-fighting. It is just frustrating, and it goes nowhere, and nobody wins. It's a bad idea and don't do it!
18. Buy him a gift. Broke? Make him a gift. Then wait to give it to him until you see him.
19. Tell him you miss him. He doesn't get tired of hearing that.
20. Send him something. A letter, anything. You may be reciprocated.

Feel free to offer more advice in the comment section. But this kind of stuff will make a long distance relationship work. Maybe not indefinitely, but I've gone 2 summers long distance now, and this stuff definitely makes it easier. Also, It's been a year and a half and we're still together even after 2 summers spent apart. That's gotta say something.

Keep it Classy. Keep it Country.
Gretta Patrick <3

"I'm suggesting that you're a two-way street"

Picture this: It's six o'clock on a Tuesday evening. You have homework to do, a paper to write, and a meeting in a half an hour. Is your mind on your work? Of course not! Your mind's on your man, where it always is after being away from him for 2 days.

You're feeling lonely, and that's normal. Women like attention from their men. Just a fact. You want so badly for him to ask you to come over, to go out to dinner, to go on a walk, to cuddle, to do anything, but are you telling him that? No. You're "subtle hint-ing" at it. Well, you have to be as subtle as a 12-guage in order to get a man's attention, so that won't work, and you'll most likely end up alone, eating ramen noodles by yourself and crying into your coffee. (Yes, I've been a little emotional lately)
Newsflash, it doesn't have to be like that. You could have avoided your solitary state of sadness just by saying, "I want to see you tonight," or even better, "Do you wanna come over after my meeting? I'll make Salmon." And he wants to see you too, so he says yes.
There. Problem Solved in ten seconds.

Why do women sit around and wait for their men to invite them over, when they've given no hint that's what they want. Make your relationship a two-way street, and invite him over. Women in new relationships will exude confidence to their men, while women in long-term relationships will show theirs they care. Either way, if he doesn't come over, it does not mean he hates you (promise!), it means that he's just busy, or working, or something.

If your date idea falls through, rain check! It'll give you something to look forward to, and him too. Then, you won't be waiting around any longer and your mind will be at ease.

Maybe it isn't about "waiting around for a man." Even if you have one, that doesn't mean you have to wait around for him. Make your relationship into a two-way street, especially now that the Valentine's day flair has died. Even more of a reason to spice things up!

Keep it Classy. Keep it Country,
Gretta Patrick <3

Hello Love! Here's to Six More... and So On...

Well, I was going to write about something useful, like the benefits of finding a hobby, or the wonderful world of packing for college, but instead I'm writing about something much more exciting on this particular evening.

In earlier blog posts, I've written about letting love find you, about how exciting new relationships feel, about the fear that comes with new relationships, and about the many different aspects of falling for someone. Well, I'm happy to say that to this day, I'm infinitely happy that I conquered my fear of falling all those months ago. I'm happy to say that the exciting new relationship I wrote about hasn't been dull for one second since then, and it's all because I took my own advice, and let love find me.

This past November, I found my incredible boyfriend, Kyle. Since I "bumped into him," he's been my best friend, my unending source of laughter, my confidante, and last but certainly not least, the best boyfriend in the world, and after a very interesting game of truth or dare six months ago, my life hasn't been the same, it's been so much better!

Half a year since I answered "yes" to his "two-part truth." Half a year since I've been able to call him all mine, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still love talking to him, I love laughing at all his silliness, I love making him laugh that laugh I love so much, and I love being able to know he's always going to be there for me.

Now, I've also written about the difficulties that come along with distance. Spending this summer away from my boyfriend has been far from easy. I've had my share of sadness, of frustration, of heartache. I'm not going to say that the distance thing gets any easier, because in reality, it doesn't. You just get used to it, and you find ways to deal with it. That being said, if I can spend three of our six months together, upwards of 200 miles away from him, and still love him more every day,  then I know we can spend many more months together. Even if we're apart for part of that... if that makes any sense at all.
So, here's to six more. And six more after that, and so on, etc...

Keep it classy. Keep it country.
Gretta Patrick <3

P.S. I'm still as in love with you, and more, as I was when I first told you I love you! And I still miss you you silly Pengin! So... Here's some Penguins!

10 Things Men Should Know About Women

Having seen many of these lists around the internet, I've decided to compile my own list of "the 10 things all men should know about women"

1. Please call before coming over! Especially if it's summer. Women tend to waltz around in their underwear and believe me, it's not cute!

2. Just because we like to watch sports, doesn't mean we know exactly what you're saying. Sometimes the smile, nod, and "yeah, okay, yeah" mean absolutely nothing! Don't be offended, we're girls!

3. No matter how many times you tell us how cute we are without our makeup on, it still doesn't outweigh the "Wow, you look great!" we hear when we do. So we're still wearing makeup 99% of the time. 

4. We don't like to take compliments. It doesn't mean we don't like it when you give them, it's just we feel weird taking them. 

5. If we say "I had a really bad day," That doesn't men we want space, it means "Hug me now you idiot!"

6. If we get angry and say, "We're not speaking," it doesn't mean we're never going to speak again, it just means, "I need to figure out how exactly to strategically plan my next move so that I'm in the right." 

7. If we say, "don't tick me off this week!" it means, "I'm PMS-ing and you need to be sympathetic." 

8. Let's be perfectly clear, we don't dislike action movies, we just like chick-flicks better!

9. If we get you a gift, we put some freaking thought into it. You people are extremely difficult to buy for, and we probably spend 10+ hours just thinking of something meaningful. 

10. Just because we flirt with other men, doesn't mean we're interested in other men. Flirting is just an instinctual thing! Promise!

Keep it classy. Keep it country,
Gretta Patrick <3

Fear.

Yes. I'm scared.

I'm having thoughts; thoughts about somebody. I have feelings for someone, and the only problem is that those feelings are being overshadowed by another feeling, fear. 

Last time I fell for someone, I fell hard. He was everything I wanted. Or so I thought. That everything left though, and I must say, heartbreak is not an easy feeling to forget. There are so many things that I'm scared of. 

I'm scared that I'll fall too hard. 

I'm scared that something is going to go wrong. 

I'm scared of making mistakes.

I'm scared of feeling lost again. 

But most of all, I'm scared that I'm going to give up again, just like I did the last time. 

I know that life is about facing your fears, but that doesn't completely make them go away. And I want them to go away so badly! I wish I could just wake up one morning and completely forget why I fear all these things. But as it is, I can't get them off my mind. 

One comforting thought though is, I wouldn't even be having these fears if I didn't really like him. At least I'm allowing myself to do that! I just need to allow myself to get close. These irrational fears are holding me back though. And they only show up right when I want to get close to someone. 

Ugh.

Well, even if you're experiencing an internal conflict like I am, that's no excuse not to...

Keep it classy. Keep it country,
Gretta Patrick <3

"I don't know what road we're on or where we've been"

So on my last blog, I wrote a post about how to put "spice" back into relationships, and I wrote that because I know that relationships can get kind of dull after a while. I spoke about how the reason women look for spice is because we all crave that feeling we get when we're just getting to know a man, and when things are new and exciting. Well, ladies, whether you've just met someone new (as I have!) or whether you're in a long term relationship and are looking for some spice, here's something for you. I am going to attempt to describe what it feels like when you've met someone new who you really like.

It feels like you're driving in the middle of the summer with the windows down, and you're on some back-road. No cops around. You're excited and you speed up to 80, then 90 mph. The wind is in your hair, and it feels exhilarating. It's also scary because it's a little dangerous and there's a very slight chance you can get caught.

Your heart races, because you get so nervous. But you don't even know what you're nervous about. Especially right before the guy arrives, your heart starts racing and your face goes all red, and you can't stop moving around. It's like you're doing some kind of dance, the "I-can't-believe-he's-actually-here" dance. Then he gets there, and you act all cool but you're actually not cool. Inside you're still doing your "I-can't-believe-this" dance, but outside you're more like "Hi. It's nice to see you too!"

It's so incredibly exciting. And for about an hour after ever date you feel almost high. You laugh and happy-dance and scream about it with your girlfriends.

It's also incredibly terrifying. You feel like any second something is going to go wrong. You feel like any second, your car is going to pass by a police officer, or another car on another road and then you're going to crash! That's always the danger when you ride in your car that fast! New flings are exhilarating but any second, it can get ruined.

That's the feeling. That's what women want. They want their heart to race and they want the risk. Even though there's the danger factor in there, it's exciting and it's what puts the spring in the woman's step. Anyway just some food for thought.

Keep it classy, Keep it country.
Gretta Patrick <3

Looking for Love... or letting it find you

One good thing about life, if you feel cute, you normally are cute.

You know those days where you feel like you'll be forever alone? Girls, we all have these days.
You're going along, right on schedule: answering e-mails, studying for your next test, editing that term-paper, starting on your next paper when suddenly you realize that that guy never texted you back. Or maybe you realize that your ex-boyfriend is looking extra cute today, or maybe you see a cute young couple holding hands in the park and you think, "why isn't that me?" or maybe "What's wrong with me?"
You want to know the answers? He hasn't found you yet, and nothing.
Look girls, nothing is wrong with you, unless you're being very, shall we say, loose-moral-ed. If you're just going through life, doing your own thing, and making the most of every moment, then chances are, nothing is wrong with you, it's just that the guy who is finally going to see that everything you do is spectacular just hasn't come along yet. I'm not telling you to go out and actively look for him, but I am telling you not to stress that you haven't found him. Chances are he isn't at that frat party next weekend, and he's probably not going to the bar on Saturday.
Mr. Right is probably at the library right now studying for his finals, or he's taking his dog for a walk. He might be in his bedroom calling his grandma. He might be going to church to choir practice. Maybe he's suiting up for his night job, or putting his coat and scarf on to catch the bus for his night class. My point is, he isn't going to be the guy who comes up to you while you're looking "shmexy," he's going to be the one who bumps into you at the post office, or he's going to be behind you in line at starbucks. Most of you are just looking for him in the wrong places!
And you all should stop trying to look like what other people will think is cute, because chances are, if you feel cute, you are. What matters most is how you see yourself.

Keep it classy, keep it country,
Gretta M. Patrick <3